I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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