Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
