This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
