i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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