After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
