What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
