Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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