I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
