There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
