yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
