I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
