My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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