so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
