Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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