I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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