Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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