you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
