you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
