Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
