The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
