My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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