Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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