Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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