we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
