Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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