Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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