the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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