After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
