is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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