filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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