Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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