I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
