the condom got lost in my hair
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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