dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize