I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
