College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
