I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I cockslap morals
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
