first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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