some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
