all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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