drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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