***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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