My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
