Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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