if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
