shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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