Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
