You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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