i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
