I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
