ya dads aren't the best wingmen
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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