Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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