Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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