I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
